Life is way too short to fritter away on work that you hate.

Don’t get me wrong, we all have to do things we might hate from time to time. I have three dogs. As much as I love them, they come complete with dog hair and smelly other chores that are gross.

Ugh. Not my idea of a good time.

Same with my garden. I love my flowers and veggies, but I hate the weeds. I would love for there to be a gardening Fairy to come and pull weeds in the hot, hot sun so I can stay inside in the air conditioning.

I won’t even get into the parts of having kids that can be a challenge.

All great things come with chores. Kids and pets have stinky parts. That’s the price we pay for sloppy kisses and unconditional love. And one bite of a summer tomato, and I forgive every weed and my aching back.

But what about our businesses? 

We talk a lot in creative entrepreneur circles about designing the business and life that we dream of. Those dreams don’t usually include the day-to-day boring tasks that make us weary and drain our energies and yet, we still do them.

Some of them, like paper work and accounting, still have to be handled, though I highly recommend finding someone else to take over both of those tasks if at all possible.

The rest of stuff  that takes up your time and energy, how important is it really?

In coaching creative entrepreneurs, I have repeatedly seen the same three themes come up time and time again.

• Clients who are no fun and suck the life out of you.
• Projects that are too complex for your skill set that frustrate, exhaust and deplete you.
• Mundane tasks that take too long and keep you away from your creative gift.

All three of these categories are keeping you from the success that you could be having right now! I am talking about you, the start-up business who hasn’t gotten the resources yet to hire someone to do all of your unpleasant tasks. You don’t have to wait. You can begin right now to shift away those un-fun catagories and move toward having a business you can enjoy right away.

Let’s take them one at a time, shall we?

Clients who are no fun and suck the life out of you: Bar none, this is the hardest lesson for new business owners to learn and sometimes it has to be re-learned a few extra times before it sinks in. You do NOT have to work with stingy, selfish, rude, mean, uninteresting, unmotivated and undeserving clients. EVER.  Here is the problem that you are probably running into:

You don’t realize you are working with the undesirables until they have snuck up on you half-way through the project. That might seem like a perfect example of  “Why do these things always happen to Me???”  But the answer is that you have not taken the time to create ideal clients and then qualify your potential clients to be sure they fit.

How to work with only clients you enjoy.

• Figure out which clients you enjoy working with. Figure out WHAT you love about working with them. Who is your ideal client, the one who you are excited to go to work to work with? Make a written list.
•  Identify the type of people that you DON’T love working with.  What is it about them that makes work a drudge? Make a list. Knowing what drains your energy and enthusiasm is a very important piece of clarity to have.
• Create a Qualifier System. This can be a series of questions, a list of policies on how you work, A phone or email interview, or more likely all of the above. The key is to identify the key good and bad issues with potential clients before you take them on. And Here is a hint: If the red flags start flying, step back! You do not need to take on that client. Repeat after me:  Bad Clients cost too much money and suck the fun out of life!

Projects that are too complex for your skill set that frustrate, exhaust and deplete you.

• Re-evaluate. Just because it seemed like a great idea at the time, doesn’t mean that right now is the right time to be taking on that project. Creative Entrepreneurs love to START new projects a heck of a lot more than they like SUSTAINING them. Ask yourself: Is this something that is sustainable, will I get bored quickly maintaining this? Ask: Would this project be better served by finishing some of this other stuff piling up? Consider rescheduling this when you can focus on the training to do it right..
• Hire. Take a good look at the project. If it is above your skill-set, can you find someone to educate you on the most efficient process? Or do you need to hire someone for one part of the process that will make the project more joyful? Do you need a designer to help you get the look you envision? You may not need – or be able to afford- to hire someone for the entire project, but can you take the pieces that are above your current skill set and get some help?

Mundane tasks that take too long and keep you away from your creative gift.

• Automate, automate, automate. That can mean hire an assistant, but it doesn’t have to. You may want to get some help in figuring out systems to make life easier so that the task handles itself.  With every new project or system that you create in your business, ask yourself, is there a way that this can happen hands free without my needing to manually do it myself. The answer is probably yes.
• Batch Time and Tasks. For a lot of owners, mundane tasks tend to be procrastinated and hang over their heads for the rest of the week. They cloud up the fun stuff and suck the joy out of  business. By scheduling them in Timed  Batches, you can thwart the devil of procrastination. Deb and I get a lot done in a week without the help of an assistant. Automated systems help that to happen, but  for the tasks that still must be done, we set aside times to focus on that, get it done as efficiently as possible, and then move on to the good stuff. Knowing that we are going to get the boring stuff out of the way first and then get to look forward to doing all of the fun parts of the job for the rest of the week, motivates us to get it done. We don’t let it hang over our heads mucking up the good stuff.

Focus on the Fun

I have teenagers.  When I suggest that a task or project needs to be done, I am often met with, “Awe, that’s no fun!”  and a considerable amount of foot dragging. They want life to be a party. They would much rather be part of the “Good Times” than the “Drudge Club”.

Do you blame them? At what point in adulthood, did we buy into the belief that,  “If it feels fun, it must not be real work”  and, “Work is SUPPOSED to be hard!”

Stop listening, and take a cue from the kids.

Find the fun in your business and focus on that, do your best to minimize, re-evaluate or eliminate the drudge.  You aren’t making money on your drudge list, your future lies in your passion list. This isn’t irresponsible, it’s good business sense!

And…I promise, you will fall in love with your business all over again.

January and all of its resolutions have gone whisking by in a flurry of snow storms and bad weather. Well meaning plans and dreams have been tucked back into the someday jar and the lid screwed on tight.

It’s February. We’ve passed that chilling reminder of Groundhog’s Day with its frightening message.

Keep doing what you’ve always done, and you will get exactly what you have always gotten.”

And the more subtle question it asks:

If it isn’t what you want, then what are you doing what you are doing for?”

January first brings motivation, or disillusionment for those who have let themselves down too many times in the past to believe in their own rhetoric anymore.

By February many of the people who made resolutions have forgotten what they were in the first place.

Are you one of them?

I don’t make resolutions. I claimed a word of the year (I have been for several years now) and the word that made the final cut was the word BE.

In the front of my journal for this year it says:

BE- In all its glory, BE.

BE-Love, BE- Creative, BE-Joy, BE-Abundance, BE-One, BE-Open, BE-Healthy, BE-Active, BE-Generous, BE- Serenity, BE- Productive.

My to-do lists have gone by the wayside. That BE-list is the list I wake up to and look at every day.

It reminds me of who I want to BE.

From there, I decide, “What do I need to do today to BE who I want to be?”

All of my plans and action steps are built from there.

Except when they aren’t.

It turns out that BE-ing is  harder than DO-ing. It requires a dedication to focus and being awake to my every moment that is challenging and I have to admit somewhat slippery.

And BE-ing the Human BE-ing that I am, sometimes I fall out of Being, and fall into just “Doing the next thing.”

When that happens my momentum of BE comes to a crashing halt. I forget my purpose, my reason for what I was doing it all for in the first place and then the day turns into a chore again, another tick-tock on the clock while I push through to get everything done.

“HEY! Where did my BEing go?” I have found myself asking that woman in the mirror on several occasions so far this year, when I have caught myself standing in front of the fridge munching away, or reaching the end of the day and wondering what I got done, or rushing to get things done in a very non-mindful way, focused on the urgent and forgetting what is important to me.

So I’ve had to change it up. I brought back the checklist, but a new and improved version of it. Instead of chores on it, there are states of being and the activities I need to do to continue to BE that person.

Do I want to BE healthy? Then there are action steps on there that involve eating a lot of green food, drinking water and doing my daily yoga ad meditation.

Do I want to BE creative? Then there are action steps that involve daily painting, exploring, reading, writing and taking space in my day for asking the WHY questions that spark my imagination.

Do I want to BE love? Then there are action steps on my list that answer the question what does Love need to do today?

The point of creating tangible action steps for the day is that they are measurable, have a built in completion, give me a sense of progress and are a concrete way of staying awake and focused on how I purposefully want to live.

When I feel myself beginning to drift, wander, being reactive instead of being proactive, I can pick up my BE-ing list and get instantly back on track.

Sounds simple enough?

Well, there’s a catch.  (There is always a catch isn’t there?)

In order to really put this mindful living in practice over and over again throughout the day, I have to be in a constant state of re-commitment.

I have to be in a state of self-love and core strength that keeps me from being blown over the first time someone says…”Can you just…” Which is always the precursor for, “Can you just drop everything that is important to you right now and come and do this thing for me?”

I have to be in a state of self-love that reminds me that I am worthy of living a life of BE-ing, not jumping and doing.

I have to be in a state of Self-love that puts the BE list before the DO list. Because that DO list is a siren song always beckoning, always pulling me away from the truly important.

I have to stand my ground.

And so do you.

It’s so easy to say, “Just this once, and then I’ll get right back to BE-ing.”

The problem with that is it is a lie that is created to tear your self love down. Because just this once is the first step to letting go and saying, “What difference does it really make after all, I can’t really do that thing I said was the most important way I want to live. It’s only a dream. It’s not real life.

Here is the Big Truth that keeps trying to hide.

Your real life is the series of tiny choices you are making every minute that you are either BE-ing a wide awake person, or wandering lost as a SLEEP-walking one.

Your Real Life is being created minute by minute and you have countless options every day in exactly how you want that life to BE.

You have to love yourself enough to stand up for what you want to BE first though.

Take a Stand. Decide who you want to BE…and then don’t let life whisk by while you are waiting for it to come.

BE it.

Commodus: The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story! But now, the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to challenge the Emperor himself in the great arena?

Maximus: You would fight me?

Commodus: Why not? Do you think I am afraid?

Maximus: I think you’ve been afraid all your life.

—Gladiator

Wednesday night I had the opportunity to attend the Zappos For Good Speakers Series at the Smith Center in Las Vegas, NV. I was excited about this, the speakers were Dr. Brene Brown and the folk singer, Jewel.

Brene’s topic for the evening was courage and vulnerability. She said the two go hand in hand. To be vulnerable takes courage. We have to be willing to step into the arena and bare our souls to the world, to fail and get back up again until we succeed.

When we’re in the thick of it, we never see ourselves as courageous. We do what we need to do at the time to survive. Critics and naysayers may see us as weak as they point their fingers and put us down for failing. They will tell us we’re not good enough, what we’re doing is pointless, that our ideas are stupid and will never work.

Look closely at the piece of dialogue from the 2000 film, Gladiator, starring Russel Crowe as Maximus and Joaquin Phoenix as Commodus, the Emperor. Commodus was so jealous of Maximus’ relationship with the previous emperor, Marcus Aurelius, Commodus’ father. Commodus was so certain he’d be next in line and when Aurelius chose Maximus, a general, instead of his own son. From that point on, Commodus set out to tear Maximus down and take everything away from him.

Maximus lost his army, his family, his life as he knew it. He could have given up at any point, but instead, he kept getting up and driving himself forward. Was he afraid? Yes. Was he vulnerable? Oh hell yes.

Meanwhile, Commodus hid behind the throne and did everything he could to control and manipulate those around him to bring about Maximus’ doom. Even going so far as to drive a knife into Maximus’ side minutes before they fought.

This is what the critics in your life and in your head will do to you. They will beat you down without ever stepping in the arena themselves. They watch from the bleachers and box seats, comfortable and far from the blood-soaked dirt. They’ll tell you you’re doing it all wrong. They’ll laugh as you fall and struggle to rise again. They will avoid failure, they will put up numerous facades to save face and perpetuate the illusion of power.

The real power belongs to you, the gladiator in the arena. Why did the public love Maximus so much? He wouldn’t stay down. Nothing could keep his face in the dirt for long. He had hope, he had heart. He had the will to live.

Maximus also believed in what he was doing. He believed in honor and integrity. He didn’t want riches and power. He wanted to do what was right. Commodus, on the other hand, was all about the bling and Aurelius knew this. Aurelius chose Maximus because the general had no desire or ambition to become emperor.

Maximus’ vulnerability and courage brought light to the darkness.

Later on in the presentation, Jewel talked about being broken. She said, life doesn’t break us—it breaks us open and allows our light to shine.

Look at yourself. Are you a gladiator or an emperor? Which would you rather be? Will you hide behind the stories others create for you or will you strike fear into the hearts of your critics?

Only you can decide where you stand in the arena.

Need some personal training before you go hand to hand with your critics? Start with our Journey to the Center of Your Heart six week self study course or contact us for more in depth coaching today.

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The problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred. ~George Bernard Shaw

Have you ever had a conversation with a person, walked away, said “Well, that went well,” only to discover that the other person had a very different interpretation of the discussion?

And then, the inevitable realization sinks in.

It becomes painfully obvious that the two of you were on totally different wavelengths. 

Have you ever thought about that common phrase? We use it often in our culture. “They were on different wavelengths. They just didn’t work out.”

What is a wave length anyhow? Well, one definition of a wave of any kind, is that it is energy moving through a medium or space. If you think about a wave in water, it is the force of  energy moving the water that is what we see as a wave. The length of those waves, are the measurement— in the most simplistic definition— between the peaks from one repeating pattern to the next. So put it together, you have  a measurable pattern of energy moving through a substance.

A Wavelength.

We humans are forces of nature too. Substances made of energy and cells and water, formed from complicated patterns in a miracle so complex that I stand in awe of it.

I am no scientist. I offer no proof, but it is easy for my imaginative brain to put together the concept that we are walking, talking wavelengths of our own energetic force field, wittingly and unwittingly transmitting and communicating to those other walking wavelengths every moment of the day.

I am not the only believer. There are many coaches, body workers, inspirational speakers and mentors that speak about the energy fields working through and around us.

So what does that have to do with communication?

Everything.

I am sure you have heard, and possibly even said the words, “It’s not what they said…but how they said it.”

Then there is the other saying, “What you think you said, isn’t what I heard.”

Then, toss in one more, “Her mouth told me one thing, but her body was shouting something completely different. I don’t believe her.”

What all of these have in common is that the energy radiating from the physical wavelength was speaking up louder than the words being spoken.

The person listening was listening to the energy and wavelength and not the spoken words.

Sometimes, your mouth and your energy are in alignment. All is well. You feel put together, authentic and ready to take on the world.

You begin a conversation with someone and you hit the wall. Words are dropping to the ground like dead flies. It is obvious there is no connection.

What happened?

Stop and see if you can tune in to their energy instead of their words. Are they really upbeat? Or is it more forced than you first noticed. . Perhaps slowing down and offering a little more reassurance would be key. Is there something else radiating behind that agreeable friendly tone that would explain the non-committal lack of interest? Maybe there is anger, maybe there is a wall of fear blocking their ability to comprehend. Tune in, see if you can feel that wall, those bricks that have built up from lack of trust and bad past experiences. A few key questions about what their main concerns might be could break down that block.

What Happens When the Conversation is Virtual?

There is no doubt that energy is much harder to read when distance becomes involved. This is what makes on-line, on-phone and written communication so much more complex than communication in person.

That complicates virtual companies and their client relationships, not to mention social media conversations.

There will undoubtedly from time to time be misunderstandings that take place because the physical proximity of energy is a natural way that we communicate- whether we are aware of it or not. When we lose that close up-wavelength connection, we lose an instinctive communication tool.

It takes extra focus, extra energy, and extra listening and care to make sure your communication is connecting.

I should know.  Deb  and I work together online together every day. In fact— for the first six months of being together, we had never met each other in person. I had no idea what she looked like— except that she was tall. We wrote an entire novel together, before we ever laid eyes on each other. Even now, the majority of the work we do, is communicated through a trail of IM conversation.

How do we pull it off?

We follow some very specific rules.

Virtual Communication Skills

• Don’t take things personally.
• When in doubt-ask. Then ask some more.
• Be honest.
• Respect boundaries.
• Avoid knee-jerk reactions, think it through.
• Don’t make assumptions, clarify, clarify, clarify.
• Be reliable.
• Keep the big goal in mind, don’t get hung up in the muck of minutia.
• Find a common ground of respect and agreement to start the conversation.

The truth is, our rules for  successful on-line communication are good rules for any partnership. They are critical for one that has limited communication options. And as time has gone by, we have gotten pretty good at reading each other’s energy and wavelengths over an IM chain of conversation too. Even from two different sides of the country.

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A couple weeks ago Mom called and told me she was going to Tuscon in May to attend a workshop hosted by our close friend Sharon Cruise.

“I need to send a picture of myself and write down five words that describe me,” Mom said. “What five words would you use?”

I paused, thought for a second, and squinted. “So…you want me to do your homework for you?”

After we laughed and Mom saw the words weren’t supposed to be what how she thought other people saw her (and she did come up with some surprising words to describe herself, which was beyond cool) the conversation of homework drifted into learning and school. I had mentioned I was working on the company tax stuff for the accountant.

“I never thought you’d ever be doing anything remotely related to numbers.”

I agreed. Me and numbers never mixed. Math was always a struggle for my creative, non-linear mind. I had to take algebra three times…and still to this day, don’t get it. For me, I had no way to apply it to practical purposes. Show me why I’m learning this and how it works in day to day life and it’ll make sense. Other than that, at least as a kid, why do I need to use it?

This struggle led to the belief that I was a poor student, that I was crap at learning, that I barely passed every subject in grade school and beyond. I believed I wasn’t any good at learning at all.

Then Mom made a confession that shocked me to the core. “I was never good in school either. Especially with math.”

Whoa. Hold it right there, Babalooey. What was that? MOM wasn’t any good in school either?

“Mom. Seriously? Why on earth could you have not told me this back then? Good lord, we could have bonded!”

And I wouldn’t have felt like such a loser, like I couldn’t do anything right at all. You know how it is when you’re a kid, especially a teen. You think you’re the only one to go through the struggles and emotional upset. At that age you never stop to think that your parents were kids once too and went through everything you went through.

When I told this to Wendi she asked how bad were my grades. Math, of course, was pretty bad, barely passing, but then I went on to list several subjects I did well in. Art, biology, English, Home Economics (yay cooking…though sewing not so much) and French. Always did love languages.

Well, gee, look at that. One class out of how many others ruined my outlook?

That started me thinking of other learning scenarios outside of the school system. After High School I took a lifeguard certification course and passed with flying colors. I studied martial arts for ten years and excelled, becoming a regional gold medal champion, and earning a brown belt. I also became a certified personal trainer back in the mid-nineties.

I wasn’t the “bad student” I always believed I was. I’m a GREAT student. I’m intelligent and learn quickly. I can do anything!

How different would things have been had I had the ability to focus on the positive instead of seeing only failures?

Think about it. I’m sure you’ve had the same experience. One bad experience ruined everything and that’s all you saw for the rest of your life. It colored everything you did and thought. You believed you were crap, you told yourself over and over you’re crap, that you’d never be any good at X at all. Then that one thing slowly evolved into never being good at anything ever.

You created a belief and over time, with all the negative self-talk, you’ve ingrained that belief right down to a cellular level. And sadly with that comes a sense of hopelessness, that you’re stuck with this and you’ll never be able to change it.

Not true! There’s another belief you don’t need! You can change it. You are perfectly capable of rewriting history. Think about it, it’s like having two parallel universes going on. On the one hand you have the failure scenario you’ve obsessed with for most of your life, but there was also the grand success scenario happening. Right along side the defeats there were many times you had major achievements and accomplishments. You had minor ones too. I bet if you sat down and made an inventory of every success you’ve had you’d be surprised at what you come up with. The cool thing is that once you get started on that list it’s hard to stop.

Focus, my dear friends, that’s what it’s all about. True, at first focusing on the positive is difficult. Our society finds it so much easier to sink into negativity. Positive thinking takes work, but it can be done. Like anything else, it’s a habit. And you know what? It only takes three weeks to change a habit.

Three. Weeks. Twenty-one days. Think of how short that is compared to how many years it took you to get where you are now.

So, how do you start rewriting your history?

Get to the root. Make a list of everything you believe. Choose one and keep asking yourself “Why?” Each why takes you to a deeper level. When you get to a point where you can’t ask why anymore, you’ve found the root. Then you can look at it and ask yourself if it’s really your belief, your truth. Often times you’ll find yourself blindly following a pattern everyone else before you has followed. No one can say why they believe it. The only available answer is because that’s just the way it is. There’s no truth at all to it.

Everyone gets a “do over”. Remember that as a kid? I call Do Over! That cleared the slate and you started the game over fresh. Felt good, didn’t it? You’re allowed do overs. Let go of the negative and embrace the positive.

Be kind to yourself. Listen to how you talk to yourself. Would you tell your best friend they’re stupid, ugly, or not worth anything? No, you wouldn’t, so why speak to yourself that way? This kind of self talk has deeper repercussions than you may think. Recently I ended up in the hospital because my body decided it didn’t like my liver anymore. It was like all those years of low self-esteem and self-loathing ended up concentrated on a physical level. The organ responsible for ridding my body of toxicity couldn’t do that job anymore. How symbolic is that? Before this happened, I had been working on mindset changes for the past couple of years with Wendi as my coach. I was the guinea pig for the whole Journey to the Center of Your Heart program. It’s easy to say I was lucky, but luck had nothing to do with it. It took some deep coaching and a lot of hard work.

I had the tools I needed to turn my negative, hateful thoughts to kind and loving ones. I dove into healing meditations and visualizations, listened to my body when it craved clean, whole food, started exercising and rediscovered my love of the gym. The doctor was amazed with the last round of test results and remarked how quickly the levels had returned close to normal. I’ve still got a long way to go, but there’s nothing like immediate validation to keep you focused on the positive.

Be aware. You can’t unsee what has been seen. Once you wake up and become aware you stop going through life on auto-pilot. Sure, you’ll still slip and want to relax into the familiar comfort zone again, but it won’t be as easy as it was before. You’ll spot the triggers. While you may temporarily fall off the wagon and have that piece of chocolate or catch the negative self-talk, you can be more forgiving and say, it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world. You’re human and imperfection isn’t a death sentence. Finish the chocolate, enjoy it and move on. The difference this time around is you know why you were eating that chocolate, you were conscious of it rather than scarfing it down, barely tasting it and using it to squash emotional overwhelm. You can stop, take a breath and acknowledge what’s going on in the moment instead of seeking out the substances and habits that made you numb before.

Now, while it takes three weeks to change a habit, it may take you longer to learn how to change your lifestyle. This is where our Six Week Journey to the Center of Your Heart Self Study course comes in. This course is designed to jump start your awareness. Over the course of six weeks we dive deeper into the tips above and go beyond that.

You want to rewrite history? You can do it. Discover your own personal Tardis. We’re all much bigger on the inside and have the capability to change the past…and the future. Click on the link above today. The Journey changed my life for the better and it can do the same for you.

My first entrepreneurial partnership taught me critical lessons about business.

My business partner, Randy, was a charismatic, fearless, energetic young man, with giant ideas and the drive to achieve them.  His art of persuasion and sales techniques were perfected at an early age and as he discussed his business proposition with me, I recall being completely taken in by his mesmerizing descriptions of how wonderful this would all turn out if we put our resources and energies together.

I was all in, no questions asked.

The business plan?

Dig a hole to China, climb down the hole, get all their gold and silver, bring it back up the hole and sell it to make kamillions.

We were six years old.

An onlooker might have thought we had pooled our pennies together and hired a motivational business coach to assure our success. After all, we were doing everything right.

We had a business plan.  We had commitment. We had the proper tools. We had a clear intention. We TOOK ACTION!

We dug that hole in the hot summer sun for several  hours with my aunt’s best spoons, refusing to be deterred, even when those spoons bent from the force of rocks and debris in the hole. We had a timeline for success. Okay, perhaps an unrealistic one, as we expected to get to China in that very afternoon, but isn’t that also common of entrepreneurs, expecting success to happen instantly? As far as I can tell, at six, we still weren’t that far off the mark of the average entrepreneur. So far, so good.

We had all of the proper mindsets as well. We were not afraid of failure. In fact, FAILURE WAS NOT AN OPTION. We never considered it. Our positive-thinking, created-for-miracle minds had no concept of what failure was. It would be many years before that adult concept took root in our creative minds.

We had passion. We had persistence. We had vision, clarity and a goal. We were motivated! We were primed for success!

And yet, as you can safely guess, we never made it to China with our bent spoons and best intentions.

What could have possibly gone wrong when we followed every single step that all of the coaches tell us to do?

Ah…but we did miss one. The same one that so many entrepreneurs miss, over and over and over again, in their excitement and burst of enthusiasm when a new Creative Idea floods into their brain like a crazy-making drug.

They forget to do their research. They forget to gather the correct information.

No matter how inspired, motivated, well- intentioned or purposeful we were with that business, we were doomed to fail because of the simple truth that there was no path to China under my Aunt Margie’s garden. 

Period. Nothing,  no creative energy, magic mojo, spiritual secret, prayer or rain dance, two thousand dollar seminar or better coach was going to magically help us dig a hole to China.

And it won’t help you build your business either if you built your business idea on a faulty foundation to begin with.

Do your research.

• Do the clients that you have identified as your ideal clients even want what you are selling?  Do you know what price the market will bear for that range of services, and have you identified the value you are giving, and if it is a value to them?
• Is your path in line with your destination? As you can see, ours clearly wasn’t. We could have dug for the rest of our lives, and we were not going to hit our destination.  Does your business suffer from the same problem? It’s one thing to have a step-by-step plan. It’s another thing altogether to have done the research to check if it will get you where you plan to go.
• Is the market over saturated with this idea already? Are you really just now writing a book on Fifty Shades of How to…  If so, stop. Please stop. For the love of God come up with something new.
• Have you asked your existing clients what they want? One of the best tools you already have is the feedback from your existing clients.  If you are listening carefully, they will tell you what they need. Their new problems and challenges are where your new solutions and  programs are. Your job is to be in the business of solving their challenges. Listen, be there for them, and make the connections when your company can be the one to offer a solution.

The Balance between Research and Creativity

As a rule, creative entrepreneurs are not fond of taking the time to research and dig for facts. That doesn’t feel creative, fun, spiritual, or feed our souls.  However, if we ever want to feed our bank accounts or have food with our meals, the second step after coming up with that brilliant idea is to stop, drop and do your research, before you go flying off to tell everyone about your exciting new adventure. Only after you have built your idea and business plan on a foundation of solid research and understanding of truthful information, can you implement all of those other critically important tools.  Then—and only then, can you motivate and set your intentions toward success all the way to the bank.

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Have you ever been a victim of “Digging a Hole to China” business mentality? Share your AHA’s in the comments below. We want to hear from you! You never know when your comments, questions and insights will be just the thing to help someone else along the way! Dare to care and share!

I decided to have an affair.

After all, a married woman with four kids, two grandkids, three dogs shedding enough dog hair on a daily basis to form a new puppy… I figured I was way over due for someone to love me exactly the way I needed to be loved. Cherished, doted on, accepted unconditionally, pampered, listened to when I whined, perhaps with a loving hug or a “There, there, darling, it’s okay, you are beautiful and awesome and wonderful just the way you are…”

No solutions, no fixing. Just unconditional comforting, sweet love.

There was only one problem. Being the monogamous, faithful wife that I am, a scandalous affair was likely to cause problems, so I could find only one solution.

I had to have an affair with myself.

After all, who better to whisper sweet nothings in my ear and tell me how wonderful I am? Who would know better than me what I needed way down deep in the shadowy recesses of my hidden heart?

So I went on an inner journey. A date with myself to discover what I wanted, what I needed and how to treat myself to some delicious pampering.

This was the moment when I discovered something dreadful. Something so frightening,  it shook me to my core and rattled my bones. 

When I peered down deep into my soul and into the dark shadows of my heart looking for what I needed, all I found were cobwebs.

And dust. Some dog hair.  A few worn out Martha Stewart magazines where I had circled some favorite furniture with a red-penned note that said, “This is ME! This is REALLY ME!” Except the date on the magazine was over a decade old and whoever that version of me was back then, she had lousy taste in furniture.

I sat on a stump, perplexed. I had taken myself out for a lovely affair, opened the doorway wide and asked, “What do you want, my darling, the world is yours, let me love you, pamper you, lavish you with the desires of your heart…” And the only response my tattered and worn out spirit could summon up was…

“Great, how about a nap? And could you shut up with all that romance language? Some peace and quiet would be awesome, thankyouverymuch.”

Myself was tired. She didn’t want pampering, she wanted sleep. She didn’t want to go on an Artist’s date with me, she wanted silence. She didn’t want to be lavished with silk and the finest cottons, candles and jewels, she wanted her ratty pajamas, the lights turned out and for everyone to leave her alone.

I was appalled at Myself. And I told her so. “How ungrateful can you be?” I said to her. “Here I am trying to do something nice for you and all you want to do is push me away. You won’t even talk to me, won’t even give me the time of day!”

“What do you expect?” she snarled back, “You’ve been ignoring me for ages, decades really, and now all of the sudden when you feel like dressing up and going out on a date, having an affair, you expect me to just jump up and be excited? What do you think I am? Some kind of performing puppet? You can’t just pull my strings and expect me to love you back! Not after being ignored forever!!”

Ouch. Her words hurt. She treated me like I was a stranger. Like I had no right barging in and wanting my mind, spirit and body back after ignoring it forever. But hey, it’s mine, right? Shouldn’t I be able to just take it back down off the shelf, dress it up and take it out if I want to?

Shouldn’t I?

Apparently not. She marched off. Turned her back on me. Told me she had a headache and slammed the door.

And I was alone. With no clue how to love Myself, communicate with Myself, listen to Myself, care for Myself or even BE with Myself.

It was scary. I felt hollow. Empty. I had never realized how truly alone I was without her to talk to. I had taken her for granted. Figured she would always be there. I thought she was the one person who would stick up for me, through thick or thin.

But as I sat there, I realized how wrong I had been. I hadn’t been there for HER. I was a lousy friend. A lousy lover. I never stuck up for her. I stabbed her in the back all the time. Put everyone’s needs ahead of hers. Ignored her when she asked for anything. Told her I was too busy, I’d get to her later, she’d get her turn, she could make due with what she had. I stopped listening. I didn’t even know what she liked, what she thought was important, what her deepest needs were, or her secret dreams. What her purpose was, what made her happy.

I went and made a cup of tea. I brought it to the door, gave a gentle knock. I didn’t demand, didn’t beg, did try to make her feel guilty.

I apologized. And I offered to listen if she wanted to talk.

I pulled up a chair.

And I waited for her to get some rest. And then, once the tiredness had been appeased, I began to listen.

“You ever eat flax seed before?” I asked Wendi this morning on IM and stared down at the contents of my cereal bowl. “This new oatmeal I bought tastes like shite. It’s supposed to be strawberries and cream.”

I could hear the mental blink on the other end, then, “I was wondering what flax seed, sex and dressing up had to do with anything, but okay. Is it the kind in the box?”

Don’t worry, our previous discussion wasn’t about our personal lives, just one of those things we find while chasing the rabbit down the hole on our adventures across the web. I laughed.  “Yeah. Just add hot water and stir.”

“Was it Better Oats?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you cook it?”

I paused. Cook it? What’s there to cook? Nuke the water, add it to the bowl. Stir. It’s cooked.

“You didn’t cook it,” Wendi says. “Cook 90 seconds, stirring and let it sit. That breaks down the flax seed. Otherwise it’s like eating a hard seed shell.”

I stared at my bowl again. “Cook it, huh?” I vaguely recalled seeing something about that on the instructions. But who reads those? “Okay, I’ll go toss it in the micro for 90 seconds.”

90 seconds later

Well, whaddya know? The medicinal aftertaste was gone, angels sang, and all was right with the world again.

After I came back and told Wendi, she, in her infinite Coachmaster Wisdom says, “If in doubt, read life’s directions. Figuring it out alone is hard work and tastes like shite.”

And there was my moment of Zen for the morning. Life has been like that every week since I started coaching with Wendi and going through the process she takes our clients on. Seems that most of my lessons speak to me through food. Sort of like Po in Kung Fu Panda. The spirit listens to what you relate to best.

A couple weeks ago we had the chocolate chips speaking, and this week, it’s oatmeal. And let’s not forget The Zen of Bagels.

Reality shows give me revelations too. Most recently it was Chef Irvine of Restaurant Impossible and John Taffer of Bar Rescue.

I admire both these guys and what they do. Each week they help some poor business person dig out from under their restaurant/bar problems and get them back on track. Their business sense applies to all businesses out there, and life in general. The concept is people ask for help with their seemingly hopeless situations and at the root, many of the problems are always the same.

“My employees won’t listen to me”, “The customers are annoying and out of control”, “I cook great food/serve great drinks, but business is down, I’m losing money right and left!”

The fact is, your employees aren’t listening because you’ve given them no training or direction. Your customers are getting crappy service because you and your employees don’t care anymore, and your food sucks.

But the biz owners don’t want to hear this. They want the pros to tell them, “Oh, you’re so right! No one appreciates you, no one can do it better than you, you’re fantastic and everyone else is wrong!”

In most cases, it’s just the opposite. The pros tell them the truth and it’s not what the biz owner wants to hear, BUT they know in their heart of hearts, the pro is right.

Then comes the resistance.

The biz owner starts fighting back, arguing, saying the pro doesn’t know what he’s talking about. That’s about the time I look at the TV and say to the cat sitting on my shoulder, “Yeah, and how’s that been working for you so far, dumbass? You asked for their help and now you’re telling them to go away?”

I had a hard time comprehending this mindset. Just listen to the pro, they know what they’re talking about! You asked for their help, you got it, and now you don’t want it? What’s wrong with you?

Ahhh…throwing stones is so easy.

Around this time, my little Truth Speaker in my brain tapped me on the unoccupied shoulder and said, “Um…does any of this sound familiar?”

It was another chocolate moment.

Just the week before in my session with Wendi I was whining about having to check in every week, annoyed and irritated that I had to keep a food diary, that I had to write down what I was feeling and thinking day after day, week after week. Wendi kept asking over and over, “Who are you doing this for? Me or you?”

My belligerent Rebel voice would say (with a roll of her eyes), “For me, of course.”

But it was lip-service, saying the words without fully understanding what it meant to do something for me. I was doing it because I had to. These were the rules. You check in so Coach knows what you’re doing.

But it’s more than that. Wendi, despite her infinite wisdom and intense empathy, is not a mind reader. No one is. Unless I’m doing the work for me how could she possibly know what’s going on? She’s not doing this for her own jollies. I had asked for her help and then telling her to get the hell out of my restaurant. I knew what I was doing. Everyone else was wrong.

Yeah, and how has that worked for you so far?

Not very well. Or else I wouldn’t need the coaching to begin with.

The moment I came to that realization, the cloud of resentment lifted. Angels sang. Trumpets blared. Beams of sunlight carried on the backs of unicorns showered down from the sky.

We all go through some resistance when we’re trying to change. It’s hard and scary. In most cases, we’ve held on to these habits and beliefs for so long they’ve become our false truth. We don’t want to see what’s right in front of us. It feels wrong, uncomfortable, alien.

But that’s okay. The best thing you can do is realize it happens to everyone. It’s not wrong, it’s not right, it just is. The best thing you can do for yourself is realize that, acknowledge it, and move on. Be gentle and forgive yourself. Let it go. The only person who’s going to berate you for past actions is yourself. So you made some mistakes? Okay, no biggie. Don’t dwell on it, learn from it.

The second you start feeling a huge wall pushing back is the moment you KNOW you’re on to something big. Step back and get a better view of that wall. Climb on top of it if you have to. You’ll be surprised to find the mortar is crumbling and the bricks aren’t as sturdy as you thought they were. Grab a sledgehammer and knock it down. Sure, there’s another wall off in the distance, but you know how to deal with it now.

Give that bowl of oatmeal another 90 seconds, and next time, read the directions first.

Hello everyone, Deb here. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Wendi’s business and writing partner, and friend. The design and techie half of Blue Sun Studio. In general, I tend to keep personal inspiration and revelations to myself, but every so often I come up with something that needs sharing.

A year ago at our annual business retreat I decided I wanted to go through Wendi’s coaching program. I knew a little bit about what she does with clients, but so much of it remained a mystery. To be honest, that was a small part of it. The bigger part was helping myself be a better me. I wanted to wake up, stop sleepwalking through life. I couldn’t, in good faith, help teach our workshop, Journey to the Center of Your Heart without walking the talk myself.

The first couple of weeks were HELL. Yes. Hell. Facing your darkness and embracing it isn’t easy. The light of day is blinding when you take away the wool-covered glasses. Suffice it to say, I’m seeing clearly behavioral patterns I never noticed before. When the “scary” was over, my observational Spock aspect was fascinated.

I unearthed old beliefs, I learned how to recognize my Multiple Personality Aspects (MPAs), the parts of ourselves that are those nagging, destructive, annoying voices, and how to deal with them. I’ve learned to wake up, and now I can’t go back to “sleep” no matter how hard I try.

So, the other day I was in the grocery store, doing the weekly shopping. I was so pleased with my cart. The top was filled with a rainbow of produce…eggplant, spring mix salad, tomatoes, bananas, cucumbers, oranges, assorted other leafy green things I hadn’t touched in years…it was so beautiful that I almost took a picture.

I had just tossed a box of instant oatmeal into the Glorious Cornucopia Cart from Heaven when I turned the corner and entered The Baking Aisle (cue ominous duh-duh-DUH!).

It’s November. The holidays are looming. To paraphrase Ned Stark from Game of Thrones, “Baking is coming.”

There, staring me in the face was The Wall. Not the one made of ice, but one of chocolate. A whole end cap of chocolate chips. Dark, milk, semi-sweet, butterscotch, white, peanut butter….

Right away, my inner Gourmet says, “Hey, you bought bananas, some of those chips would go great in a loaf of banana bread.”

I paused. “Hm, you’re right. Pancakes too.”

“With sausage and syrup,” The Gourmet said, elbowing the Rebel Child, who took off her ear-buds and perked up.

“Yes, I could use them in baking. Baking is good.”

I tossed them in the cart and the package of semi-sweet chocolate chips came home with me. Yay! I had chocolate!

That was last Saturday.

Now, one thing I have been struggling with all my life is food and weight issues. Too deep and involved to go into here, but suffice it to say, I’ve been doing much better since coaching with Wendi. Exercise and The Rainbow Menu have become a habit by now.

Almost.

Do I need to tell you the package of chips didn’t stay closed until the bananas had gone brown? Monday night, after a day of prepping for our workshop, while settling in to watch Cher on Dancing with the Stars, a thought popped into my head. “Psst…hey…you’ve got chocolate in the freezer. Go get some. And don’t forget the milk.”

I don’t know which MPA that was talking. It could have been all of them. Except for Roy, my shamanistic Bear, the Spiritual Mystic Nurturer, who was probably too busy hibernating at the time to speak up. Either that, or he just wanted me to learn this lesson.

Anyway, I heeded the Call of Chocolate and had some.

This small incident, action taken while asleep, an action I had done time and time again, was SO off my radar I even forgot (I don’t even think “forgot” is the right word to use here. “Ignored” is probably better) to write it down in my coaching journal.

Not. One. Single. Mention.

Nada. Zip.

It was a dream. It never happened.

Now, here’s the lesson. Listen closely. These are the kinds of lies we tell ourselves. They’re so insidious we don’t recognize them as lies anymore. They’re small, sneaky, quick…like roaches. And I HATE roaches. They make my skin crawl.

It wasn’t until yesterday that this road flare of an epiphany flashed in my head that I realized what was going on. Again, it was the end of the day. I had done great, I had finished my journal entry, the day was satisfyingly over and I was chilling and getting ready to watch the season finale of Face Off.

I looked down at the tiny bowl in my hand with the not-so-innocent chocolate chips sitting in the bottom of it and it hit me.

The chocolate chips were a lie!

OMG!!! How did this happen? What the…?

A month ago I would have beat myself up over it. The Taskmaster would have stood up, The Judge would have banged her gavel on the desk and shouted, “GUILTY!”

But this time, The Truth Speaker, my personal Harry, gently put a hand on my shoulder and said, “It’s okay. Yeah, the chips were a lie. You knew you were going to eat them. Good on you for finally realizing that. Go ahead and finish what you’ve got. Enjoy them, and be more aware in the future.”

Harry’s good that way. He’s so understanding.

I’m understanding.

And that’s the crux of it. Once you’re awake and aware, you’ll never look at anything you do the same way again. Our lies run deep, so deep they often become beliefs. They become our reality. We don’t see them anymore. They hide in plain sight. They’re the opinions we stuff down because we want to be accepted, they’re the excuses we make when we really don’t want to admit we’d rather be doing something else, they’re a part of the empty platitudes we tell others just to be polite.

They seem harmless. After all, what’s wrong with a little white lie when we need to spare someone else’s feelings, when we’re too afraid to make waves?

They’re wrong because in the end, the only person we’re hurting is ourselves.

None of this would have come about if I hadn’t decided to go through some coaching with Wendi. Seriously. If you know anything about the two of us, we won’t endorse anything we haven’t tried for ourselves. Working with my partner is no different. If she were full of shit, I’d say so. Now, anyway.

These kinds of revelations are stunningly beautiful. And the ones that are the most beautiful are when we see them happening in other people. We had our first class in The Journey to the Center of Your Heart this past Tuesday. Let me tell you, the people we have in there are inspiring. I’m watching them go through the same things I did, and what I’m still going through. We’re not all that different. We all experience the same things.

How about you? You want to find your truth? Is it time you woke up? Want to learn how you can discover your personal MPAs?  It’s not too late to join the class. Come on in, the door is wide open. All you have to do is take that first step.

And yes, we have chocolate…no lies attached.

“The most important distinction anyone can ever make in their life is between who they are as an individual and their connection with others.” Anne Linden

One of the hardest struggles a business owner has to come terms with is the issue of boundaries. When to step out, when to protect our privacy, when to give, when to hold back.  Especially for new business owners, selling a service or product that will depend on the referrals of satisfied clients, the urge to please at all costs can be overwhelming.

It’s easy to promise the moon, and at any hour of the day as well, and give off the impression that we are open for business, 24-7 , just waiting for a chance to respond.

In the beginning, that might not seem so bad. After all, you are excited about having a client—any client—so you shower them with attention and love, right? What could be wrong with treating clients like the miracle that they are?

Only one thing.

We Teach People How to Treat Us. 

And if we teach them that it is perfectly acceptable to call, email and show up at any hour of the day expecting instant pudding service, than we are setting ourselves up to be angry, worn out and resentful. And the client becomes disillusioned and  upset as well.

Your goal as a business owner is not to have one client who you fawn over and spoil to the ends of the earth. The goal is to have many, many clients who you establish  fair and high-quality services/products for, and who knows what to expect, and when, and are not disappointed when your love-fest eventually wears off.

If you have any hope of becoming highly successful, the love-fest will wear off.  It has to. Allowing clients to have one hundred percent access to your life is unsustainable. It’s the quick road to burn-out. And saying Yes, when you have very little true hope of following through is…sorry to be blunt…is lying.

There is nothing clients like less than being lied to. They would much rather have the truth, even if it isn’t what they want to hear.

WHY You have the Boundaries you do is Nobody’s Business.

Stop and think it through. How do you want to be treated? What kind of long-term sustainable boundaries do you need to establish to protect your client relationship? Create the boundaries ahead of time that are sustainable and life-affirming for both you and your clients.

Be authentic, be honest, but don’t feel the need to justify or apologize. If the truth is that every Tuesday morning you will be off at the spa getting rejuvenated for success, (Don’t you wish?) then your Tuesday hours are simply 12:00 to whatever. It isn’t anybody’s business how you are spending the time that is not dedicated to them, it’s only their business to know honestly and reliably when they can expect your time and attention for great results.

Great Boundaries are Well-communicated, Reliable Boundaries.

Spend the time thinking your ideal boundaries over very carefully. Then once implemented, stick to them!  Whatever you commit to should be that, a commitment to creating a structure for doing business that they can depend on. If your company is closed on weekends, and yet, every time a client calls you on the weekend you pick up the phone, then the one time you don’t answer, they are going to wonder where the heck you are. They won’t believe in your boundaries if you don’t. You will be setting yourself up for failure.

Great Boundaries Create Respect.

When you create reasonable, reliable boundaries, you are respecting yourself, your time, your energy and your personal free space. Space that is needed to be creative and to have the high-quality personal relationships that we all want. Your client might grumble about having to wait a few hours to reach you on Tuesday mornings, but deep inside they are likely wishing they had the gumption to create the same parameters on their own life. Nobody likes feeling out of control. The fact that you assertively and professionally will deepen their respect for you and they will see you in the light of a professional who comes from abundance, not a deep-rooted fear of lack that gives up balance for every last dollar.

Great Boundaries create Great Businesses.

Without clear-cut, well communicated, reasonable boundaries, an entrepreneur has virtually no chance of success. When you compile that with a creative entrepreneur’s very real need to spend time alone to flourish as an artist, then those boundaries become even more critical. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that well thought out boundaries are a luxury. They are not. They are a key component of successful businesses. If you haven’t taken the time to create a boundary strategy, don’t wait! Your business success is depending on it!