Failure Is Inevitable. Get Used To It.
Written by Deb Dorchak - June 1, 2010 16 Comments
Today I was going to kick off our month of book publishing posts and instead got side tracked by a link to an article my good friend Friar sent me. Actually, it was Friar’s Mom who sent the article to him, and then it came to me (thanks, Friar’s Mom!). Actually, this does relate to publishing your first novel, so read on.
In it, a kid’s soccer league in Ottawa has instituted a new rule that no team can out score another by 5 points. So, once one team reaches 5 points and the other team has zero, that winning team can’t score anymore goals.
What’s the point to all this (yes, pun intended)? I quote “To be fair to everyone.”
Excuse Me While I Bang My Head Against The Wall
What??? To be fair? This is wrong on so many levels it’s not funny.
However, let’s look at this in terms of real life – read: Adult Life. As children, failure may not seem fair. We’ve all experienced it in one form or another. Maybe our team wasn’t the best and never won a game the whole season. Maybe we as individuals weren’t the best in class and had to work harder than the rest of our classmates in certain subjects to achieve better grades. In teen years, maybe we got fired from a summer job or two because we just couldn’t cut it.
Or maybe we excelled. Maybe we were among those where our natural talents shown through, or maybe because we worked harder we overcame the obstacles and in the end shown through like a diamond?
Life is not fair. There’s a reason for it. If life were “fair”, evolution would have come to a complete and utter standstill. We’d still be amoebas swimming in the soup of creation. Yes, competition began on that level. Remember survival of the fittest? That’s it at its very foundation.
A World of Fair
Without failure, we wouldn’t have a single item of technology that makes our lives easier. We wouldn’t have phones, lightbulbs, cars, homes, the wheel, or the freedoms we so treasure in our countries.
We would have nothing because NOBODY TRIED HARDER.
And all those great novels out there? The ones on the New York Times Bestseller list? Non-existent. Why bother to polish up that first draft? It’s good enough as is, right? That mediocre manuscript sitting in your sock drawer is fine – according to this new sense of fair play, everyone should be published even though their writing isn’t good or the story is poorly constructed.
Hey, after all, you tried, right?
No, sorry, that’s not good enough. For anything. What if you hired a designer and they gave you a half-assed website or logo? Would you be so forgiving? Would you pat them on the head and tell them it’s okay? Would you want a second rate surgeon operating on you or a family member?
I think not.
What’s The Point?
What’s the point, indeed. Not only does this way of thinking hurt those who have to work harder, it hurts those with genuine talent as well. No one will try harder. No one will have the drive to reach for the stars and move above and beyond the constraints of the norm to create bigger and better things.
Without failure, there is no progress. None.
When you think about it, we fail every day. Sometimes in small ways, sometimes in huge, epic, oh-my-god-I-can’t-believe-I-just-did-that ways.
And we learned what not to do so we could better understand what to do. Failure shapes our lives and our character just as much, if not more so, than success.
So, go ahead, I dare you to make a big, honkin’ failure today. See where it leads you. I bet you’ll be surprised.
Want to learn how to conquer your fear of success and get back on track?
Read the Comments
16 Outstanding Responses to "Failure Is Inevitable. Get Used To It."
Davina on June 1, 2010 at 9:43 am | Permalink
Hi Deb.
I can’t believe this stupid rule of that soccer league! Ridiculous.
I’ve made my share of mistakes, you’d better believe it. And from those have come some really neat ideas or other ways of doing things. There are no “accidents” they say. But… and there IS a but… this is all wonderful to say and encouraging for self-reflection, but when it all comes down to it…can other people give you the space to fail? And then again, does it matter if they do? Can we give other people the space to fail?
What pisses me off about human nature is that we’re so good at making the “rules” and dishing it out, but we can’t take it.
Deb Dorchak on June 1, 2010 at 9:49 am | Permalink
Failure doesn’t need permission or space. Like change, death and taxes, it’s a given. Wouldn’t you say?
And not being able to adhere to the “rules” is still failure. Roll that around in your brain enough and it’s worse than puzzling out the paradoxes in time travel.
Wendi Kelly on June 1, 2010 at 10:00 am | Permalink
In our school district in baseball, they have what they call the slaughter rule. Anytime after the5th inning, if a team gets up by more then 10 points they automatically win and the game ends. There is still a winner and loser, but the losing is controlled to a reasonable level. They don’t allow any of the kids to be “Slaughtered.” I have always had my concerns over this and other protection policies like it that the schools and park districts try to instill. If kids aren’t allowed to experience “The agony of defeat” as children, then adult life is going to possibly be a brutal awakening. I sure know that I had my gut-wrenching moments as a kid…and what I learned from them is that failure is something that you can overcome and live to talk about it another day.
I am pretty sure that on one level or another I fail every day because I am always sticking my neck out trying a bunch of new stuff that I have no idea what I am doing or that I just plain stink at.But that is how I learn…Stink at something until I stop smelling.
Deb Dorchak on June 1, 2010 at 10:04 am | Permalink
@Stinky…um…Wendi: Sheesh, we fail everyday for sure. Not all great ideas start out perfectly!
Friar on June 1, 2010 at 7:44 pm | Permalink
What’s really sad, is that these weren’t little kids we’re talking about here . They were teens…one of the kids in mentionned in the article was 17. He was told he couldn’t score any more goals..so he apparnelty kicked the ball away from the goal.
Funny, in one year from now, these kids will be old enough to join the army. Old enough to kill for the country, but not quite old enough (according to the granola crunchers) to be able to deal with losing a soccer game.
It’s like I said on my blog: we’re like Rome was in AD 400, before everything collapsed and went to hell in a handbasket.
Deb Dorchak on June 1, 2010 at 8:24 pm | Permalink
@Friar: Make that handbasket a bobsled and we’ll get our team together. If we’re going to hell, may as well have some fun while we’re at it. Show these young’uns how it’s done.
maquis on June 1, 2010 at 8:35 pm | Permalink
Heh… That reminds me of our coach’s policy in lacrosse. (We were one of only a few lacrosse teams in state that had existed for more than 2 years, so we often had games that were quite mismatched) If we got up too far, she said we had to pass the ball 3 times without dropping it before shooting.
Honestly, I don’t think that is *that* bad of a thing. Yeah, we could’ve just totally creamed the other team with something like 26-2 or something, but it wouldn’t do that much. With my coache’s method, we improved our passing (which we weren’t particularly good at). It even let some of the members of our team who were less experienced to jump into a real game a bit more actively.
The other team still lost, and usually they knew that we had gone easy on them. In some ways, I think that may have been worse than getting utterly creamed.
Anyway, my general view on this is that you have to give it everything you’ve got, but at the same time, try to think of other’s feelings as you do it. In the case of writing, that can be something like writing the best books you can, but when there’s a new writer who’s just trying to figure things out, be friendly and willing to answer their questions. You don’t have to put them down for not being a bestseller — just be courteous and don’t belittle them.
A little encouragement can go a long way. When I failed at things (for example, on the debate team), I learned that receiving encouragement from the people who were better than me made it easier for me to get back up and try again. Would I have gotten up anyways? Yes. I got up without that encouragement many times. But when I had an opponent who recognized my efforts and gave me a bit of encouragement, I came back up stronger for it.
Deb Dorchak on June 1, 2010 at 8:47 pm | Permalink
Maquis: I see what you’re saying and it’s called “Good sportsmanship”. There’s a big difference between throwing a game (isn’t that illegal in professional sports?) and going all out, demolishing the other team, and still being gracious about it afterwords.
The bottom line is not everyone can be the best at everything. Back in the 80s there was a big flap about female firefighters and how the standards were lowered during training “to be fair”.
*coughbullshitcough*
Sorry, but if a woman couldn’t cut it in training, I sure as hell don’t want her hauling me out of a burning building. If she passed her training right along side the men doing EXACTLY the same things they did, then more power to her and she deserves to wear that uniform.
Level the playing fields, I say! One standard for all and make sure those standards are high! There’s nothing wrong with being the best if you’ve earned it and got the scars to prove it. Military, police force, school…everything.
Good Lord, somebody stop me…
Deb Dorchak on June 1, 2010 at 8:48 pm | Permalink
an afterthought: Could you imagine these “rules” applied to the Superbowl or the Stanley Cup?
Friar's Mom on June 2, 2010 at 4:53 am | Permalink
Hi Deb,
Thanks for your acknowledgement.
The soccer rule is actually an old rule called the Mercy Rule used in many other sports. It’s better known as the Slaughter Rule, Skunk Rule, or Knockout Rule.
Check it out on Wikipedia — http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercy_rule
p.s. You can learn from Friar’s posts.
Deb Dorchak on June 2, 2010 at 8:28 am | Permalink
@Friar’s Mom: I always learn something from Friar’s posts – and I always get a good laugh mixed in too. I didn’t know there was a rule like that. Thanks for the link, I’ll go check it out.
And thanks for stopping by! I feel like I have a celebrity here today
Friar's Mom on June 2, 2010 at 9:40 am | Permalink
Sheesh! You embarass me.
I’m not a celebrity. I’m an ordinary person, working hard at whaever I do.
I just finished working hard changing a flat in my rear bike tire. Does that make me a celebrity?
Deb Dorchak on June 2, 2010 at 10:08 am | Permalink
Yes, yes it does. I’m surprised the paparazzi weren’t out taking pictures!
I’m only teasing you ’cause I’m happy you took the time to stop by.
Friar on June 2, 2010 at 11:02 am | Permalink
@Deb
You should feel privileged. Friar’s Mom doesn’t just comment on any old blog….
I think yours is the first one she’s been to, besides mine, in almost two years.
Deb Dorchak on June 2, 2010 at 11:04 am | Permalink
@Friar: I do! And that’s what I figured.
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